The Value Of Silence In A Negotiation

Abraham Lincoln said, ” There are those who listen and those who wait to talk.”

WE DON’T LISTEN

Often when another person is talking, we are not really listening to what they are saying and we feel
this odd compulsion to talk. The moment they finish their sentence, we want  to jump in and try to cram in as many words and ideas as
humanly possible into every breath, hardly leaving the other person a
moment to get another word in edge wise.

What effect does this communication style have on our business and interpersonal relationships?

It’s not pretty.

If you get a reputation as a person who does not listen well, you can alienate a lot of people and lose a lot of important deals.

THE VALUE OF LISTENING IN A NEGOTIATION

I was talking with a client today and he said he finds that truly listening to the other person very  effective, especially in a negotiation situation.

In a meeting, he says he often finds it extremely effective to deeply focus on the other person and what they are saying. He allows them  to give their idea or pitch and then he remains absolutely silent for several moments, taking in what they just said.

SILENCE MAKES MOST PEOPLE NERVOUS

When I asked him what effect his long silence had on his audience, he laughed and said, “It usually makes people very nervous! We’re not at all comfortable with silence in this culture.” Then he added, ” I find it very interesting after a few moments of my silence, they often start negotiating with themselves, usually to my or my companies advantage.”

SILENCE CAN WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

I asked him to give me an example of how his silence works to his or his companies advantage.

He gave an example, of a person selling him a car. They say, “How about $28K for my BMW?” 

My client says he remains silent and notes that after a few moments of this silence, the other person says: “OK. Well then. I’ll take $27K for it…..” (More Silence and an additional blank stare giving nothing away) And the other person says “Or…. whatever number you’re most comfortable with.” THAT’s the time you talk!

SILENCE IS STRATEGIC

Many people believe that the best verbal negotiator wins and so they engage in verbal battles in an effort to overwhelm and outgun the person they are negotiating with.

However, you can often hear more, see more and gain more if you stay silent in a negotiation and simply wait for your most powerful and most strategic moment to speak.

SILENCE IS POWERFUL

The ability to remain silent is a very powerful skill to use in any negotiation. Silence will work to your greatest advantage if you apply it strategically and sparingly as my client did above.

SO DON’T BE A FOOL

And then of course, there is another Abraham Lincoln quote that speaks to the value of silence that we should always keep in mind:

• “Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt!”