The Pros and Cons Of Perfectionism

Ok. I admit it. I’m a perfectionist.

Here are the three basic tenets of “The Perfectionist Creed:”
 

• Thou Shalt Not Make a Mistake. Ever. 
  
• Maintain
  Control. At All Times. In All Situations. With All People.
  
• Do Not Fail. Ever. Ever. Ever.

This perfectionist creed serves me well when, as a professional speaking coach, I am working with:

• A CEO client,
  anticipating every possible question they might receive in the Q and A
  and then preparing them so they never get caught flat footed,
  speechless or end up going to jail.

• A Rising Star
  within a company and need to help them work through every possible
  issue that is has been and will be in their way so that they can rise
  to the fullest possible level of their potential. (And so they can find
  out, once and for all, what the rest of us know already: that it’s
  tough at the top and if they weren’t happy and at peace while rising in
  their profession, they won’t be any more at peaceful or happy when they
  reach that magical pinnacle at the top.)

• A Team
  in a corporate setting where I have to asses every possible speaking
  asset and liability of each team member. And then, have to decide who
  is going to be the “designated hitter” to come in and cover their
  teammates back when that teammate gets a question they cannot or should
  not answer so they don’t get fired.

• A Terrified or Resistant Speaker
  where I need to analyze every possible issue that they could have faced
  to get them into this sticking point in their personal, professional or
  philanthropic lives. And then, of course, find a helpful way to get
  them out of their speaking terror or resistance for good, so they can
  be released from speaking purgatory.

•  A Political Candidate
  in their campaign and where I have to anticipate any potential attack
  on my candidate from the press, the opponent or the public . This
  perfectionism also serves me well when I am writing and strategizing a
  political campaign to hit a specific target demographic and which,
  thanks to my nit picking perfectionism, ultimately wins them their
  race, thus allowing them to gain power and influence and hopefully,
  retain their sense of dignity, morals and self respect.

But what’s it like being a perfectionist in my real life outside of work? It’s a nightmare.

This
past week, I was talking  about perfectionism over coffee with one of
my former clients, a partner in one of the big law firms downtown. We
were laughing over the fact that, we, the ultimate perfectionists, hate
being criticized, feeling
judged or failing in any way.

I asked him how he had handled
the curse of perfectionism. His first
response was, “Well, honestly, not very well. ” But then he went on to
tell me
about two very interesting questions his father had taught him to ask
himself, when he felt particularly judged or criticized, especially
from people who have no business butting in and giving their opinion in
the first place. 

Two Helpful Questions When Facing Criticism or Judgment

The two questions his father taught him to ask himself were:

• Does this person sign my checks? (Usually not)
• Will I remember this in five years? (“NO!” or “Not likely!” is
  the appropriate response here and has saved him many a headache and
  sleepless night.)

I got to thinking that this fear of judgment, criticism and failure thing is a highly unrealistic way to live. So I came up with my own list to put a tourniquet on all the valuable energy, feelings of self worth and peace that were hemorrhaging out of my day to day life.

You can view that list on my blog post: 9 Helpful Hints for Confirmed Perfectionsists

So again, you too can alleviate the pain and suffering of perfectionism. Follow my nine helpful hints, and I guarantee you will be feeling a whole lot better or at least get some relief for a few moments. Well, that is, until you start torturing yourself all over again about being less than perfect.