How To: Speak Like A Champ and Release Your Fears

Judi Moreo wrote a great blog today on clearing out all the literal clutter in our lives entitled, “Why We Save Stuff.”  You can read it by clicking here.

Judi’s blog got me to thinking about how every one of us could do a little clearing out a lot of that nasty old outdated clutter in our minds and hearts too.

We all spend way too much of our  present time burdened and trapped by traumatic events and negative ideas about ourselves which are drawn quite literally from our past experiences of twenty, thirty or forty years ago.

I find some version of “old and outdated mind clutter stuff” to be true
for most all of my most speaker clients, no matter what their level or
amount of expertise. But it is especially true for those speakers who
come to me for help with their fear or who have the most acute loathing
of
public speaking.

DO FEARFUL SPEAKERS SUFFER THE MOST?

Here’s what I notice about my most fearful clients who hate public speaking the most:

• Some traumatic event or moment has usually happened to
  them somewhere around the time of childhood or in adolescence…. a time in everyone’s growing up when other
  people’s opinions matter to the point of helplessness.

• They are holding on for dear life to that moment of acute and
  devastating humiliation or failure as an absolute “FACT” about themselves….
  even if it is clearly an outmoded or inaccurate idea about themselves
  now in the present day.

• They see these negative experiences as set in stone, never to be questioned, let alone refuted in any way.

• They feel really stuck between a rock and a hard place because they avoid dealing with their fears as much as possible and at the same time really wish these fears would go away.

• The net effect is that most of them really believe they are  so much
  less than they really are and are, in fact, capable of.

And these fearful speaking clients are not alone.

WE ALL SUFFER FROM FEAR

All of us suffer from some variation of these same fearful issues and negative outcomes as a result of being literally blinded by our fears.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

But why is this
true and what can we do about it?
 
WHAT CAUSES FEAR

We seem to hold on to ideas and belief’s about ourselves that seem
magically or in some cases traumatically “set in stone” when we are
adolescents. Some traumatic event or moment has usually happened to
them somewhere around the time of adolescence, a time when other
people’s opinions matter to the point of helplessness.

Why do we not inquire as to whether these ideas are still
actually true or “a fact” now thirty or forty years later?

WHAT WE ALL BELIEVE

We all believe things like,

• “I’m a TERRIBLE speaker (or feel free to insert your own most cherished fear here) and that’s that!!” or

• “I can NEVER get any better at speaking, (or insert X from your long list of most cherished “No Can Do’s” and “No Way I’m Gonna’s” beliefs) so WHY EVEN BOTHER getting any help for that?” or

• “They’ll laugh at me for my speaking (or your most famous blunder of your memory bank) like they ALWAYS did before, so WHY PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT AGAIN?” 

We truly believe all these negative and hopeless things without even giving any of them at least some inquiry or at the very least, second thought or two.

WE NEVER ASK OURSELVES THESE THREE SIMPLE QUESTIONS

We never ask ourselves,
 

• “Wait just one minute here! Is that REALLY TRUE about me NOW in this PRESENT MOMENT?”
  

(Here’s where you give your mind a new and very unfamiliar task: QUESTION YOUR PRESENT REALITY)

• “Hey  WHO WOULD I BE if that truth or “fact” about myself as a terrible speaker (or your favorite X skill) that I have believed for so many years is NOT, IN FACT, TRUE?”
  

(Here’s where your mind gets a one time ” get out of jail card free” card and you get to entertain the POSSIBILITY OF A NEW YOU with NEW IDEAS for once!)
 

• “What would I be capable of if this “fact” about me was in fact NOT TRUE about me?

(This is kinda like the really good Community Chest cards in Monopoly where you get free money or something. You get to entertain the possibility that there actually is something REALLY GOOD ABOUT YOU TO THINK ABOUT AND PONDER FOR ONCE!)

WE SHOULD BE ASKING OURSELVES THESE FOUR QUESTIONS

I think we could all benefit from some truly honest to goodness healthy inquiry about any of our fears. So next time a fear of public speaking or anything else arises, first ask yourself:

1. “So Is it really true?:

Here are some additional questions to help you along.
(And remember to ask the following questions in the spirit of true and genuine curiosity.
And PS, this is done NOT with a tone of blame or shame.)

• Wow, What’s all this fearful emotion about?

• When do I remember feeling this exact same feeling  before in my past somewhere?

• What happened and how did you either respond or want to respond in that moment? (crawling into a hole? wanted to die? wanted to wring someone else’s neck? you get the idea…)

• Are the circumstances in my life in this moment of fear exactly the same as they were then? (be honest with yourself here. Are the circumstances really and truly exactly the same or are there differences?

• Am I the exact same person today as I was then?  (For those of you more mature folks, glance in the mirror and find one grey hair. That should be enough to convince you of the reality of this one. For the rest of you, or those who have just come from the hair salon, well you will have to imagine this one.)

•  Is anything different in my life now than it was then? (Do I have more choices? more options? more life experience? more education or coaching available to me now than I did back then?)

YOUR GET OUT OF JAIL CARD FREE CARD

Next comes the “get out of jail free” card mentioned above:

2. Who would I be if it wasn’t true?

This might be a stretch for some of you but what I am getting at here is if I let go of this fear or negative idea I have carefully cultivated and nurtured all these years, who might I be? You might find yourself saying things like,

• “Well, I might not be so envious of all the other great speakers in my company.” or

• “I might not be so hard on myself and cut myself a little slack.” or

• “I might feel more hopeful overall in my life and actually look forward to trying something new or a new approach.”

YOU WIN THE BIG COMMUNITY CHEST AWARD

3. What would I be capable of if it wasn’t true?

(Now every one of you have to admit, this one is gonna be FUN! NOW YOU GET TO IMAGINE ALL THE WONDERFUL POSSIBILITIES AVAILABLE TO YOU NOW IN BOTH YOUR PERSONAL AND PRIVATE LIFE!!!

This is a
biggee. You all know the definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing
over and over, hoping for a different result.” Here you get to for once
entertain the idea that in fact you are not destined to a lifetime
of the same negative outcomes over and over and over till the day you die.)

• “I might get a different result than I have in the past.”

• “I might (heaven forbid?!) HAVE FUN while I am speaking (or doing X)  next time!”

• “I might get that promotion, close that sale,  seal that deal, get that funding, make that first great impression and get that important meeting, win that election, win over my team, find that man/woman of my dreams, lose that weight, get my children/wife/husband/friend/boss to talk to me, resolve that issue, get beyond my grief/fear/anger/loneliness/heartbreak/past experiences to a whole new reality…..

The list of positive possibilities for you is as endless as the things you are afraid of…

AND NOW THE BONUS ROUND

4. And finally, what actions can I take today that are different than those I chose in the past regarding this fear?

• I can have the courage to try a new and different action.

• I can risk looking stupid or foolish as I take one step toward overcoming this fear that has held me back all these years.

• I can entertain the idea that I can actually have the life of my dreams.

• I can embrace the thought of this new reality full of new possibilities and not be trapped in a lifetime of unsatisfactory outcomes.

WATCH FOR THESE SIMPLE CLUES
       
So here’s are a few clues on how to begin your new level of self inquiry:

Watch your language, both verbal coming out of your mouth or in your mind as you talk to yourself for the next 24-48 hours.

Next time you hear yourself saying things like,

• I could NEVER do X…
• X is  ALWAYS this way…
• WHY BOTHER trying to fix X….
• X is HOPELESS so WHY BOTHER…
• I’m a FAILURE and ALWAYS WILL BE because of X….

 PAY ATTENTION!!! If you find yourself saying to yourself or others any of the above, it is a sure sign you have come up against one of your old fears or feelings of limitation.

THERE IS HOPE

I absolutely assure you that there is hope! With some genuine curiosity and healthy inquiry, you can overcome these fears, especially of speaking in public and go on to living a very different and more positive future achieving outcomes you believed were impossible before.

I guarantee you can  actually manifest more of the wonderful ideas, opportunities and people than you ever dreamed possible before.

FEEL FREE TO CALL AND GET HELP

And if you feel you can’t totally figure this out on your own, feel free to call or email me and we will continue the conversation. I have seen literally hundreds of people overcome their fears and go on to lead very happy, productive and successful lives.

You can have that happiness and successful life too, and go on to be the absolute best that you can be!

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SUCCESSES IN OVERCOMING YOUR OWN FEARS

I would love to know what has worked for you in mastering your fears in both your life and work. I am sure your insights will be helpful to someone else who crosses my path in the future.

 So what have you learned in your Journey about mastering your worst fears?