Case History: Andrea, The Speaker With 35 Years Of Terror Induced Laryngitus, Part 1

PART 1: Andrea Faces Her Fears

When Andrea first arrived at my office, the first words out of her mouth were, “I have to give a speech in a month and I’m absolutely totally completely terrified. I just want to make one thing perfectly clear to you. I will never ever, ever in the history of the world, ever be able to give a speech. Is that clear?”

She paused and I marveled at what had just come out of her mouth. She was still at the door and we hadn’t even said hello yet. I replied, “Yes. That’s very clear. I just want to know who’s talking. Please come in.”

Am I doomed?

Andrea asked me what did I mean with my comment, “Who’s talking?” As she sat down, I said, “Well it’s clear that someone or something inside your head really, really doesn’t want you to give this speech coming up. Do you know that the voices in your head believe it is their job to protect you from certain disaster?” Andrea looked quite puzzled and said, “No, that had never occurred to me. I just thought I was doomed to be a terrible speaker forever.”

You’re Not Alone

I explained, “Well I know that is what you think right now. And you’re not alone. Many many people struggle with this debilitating fear and the belief that they will never get over it. But this part if you, the part which manifests in the words and images of catastrophe, believes it is its duty to protect you from what it is convinced is a potentially devastating consequence. Fear thinks that it is it’s job to scare you into abandoning the idea of ever giving a speech. Your fear also believes it must protect you from any deep humiliation, embarrassment, disappointment or failure in the future.”

“That embarrassment and failing as a speaker sure sounds like my whole life.”

Andrea nodded her head slowly and looked as if she was starting to cry. “That embarrassment and failing as a speaker sure sounds like my whole life. I’ve been struggling with this fear for 35 years now. Every time I try to talk in public, I get this constriction around my throat and I can’t even get hardly a sound or word out of my mouth. It’s terrible. And totally and completely humiliating.  Do you really, honestly think you can fix it?”

Do you really, honestly think you can fix it?

After handing Andrea a Kleenex, I smiled reassuringly, “Of course we can fix it and we’ll do it together. Once we understand what you fears are trying to tell us, we can most definitely work with them. In fact we need to have a conversation with your fears and let them know we need all their valuable wonderful energy in your gas tank, not standing out in front of your car screaming, “Get OUT while you still CAN!!!”

At this, Andrea laughed a little but she still looked a bit worried and confused so I asked her if she would be willing to try something with me. “Are you willing to go with me on this one and explore a dialogue with your fears?” She replied,  “Well, I guess so. But I have to admit it seems a little weird to think of actually talking to my fears.”

Your fears have been trying to get your attention for a very long time now... 

I replied kindly, “I know it sounds totally weird but trust me on this one.  Your fears have been trying to get your attention for a very long time now with all that inner stress. This has all caused you so much suffering over the years. Isn’t it time to let that go and move on to a more full life where you can say what you think and feel and finally really be heard?”

Isn’t it time to let that go and move on to a more full life where you
can say what you think and feel and finally really be heard?

She said she would, so I asked her to close her eyes and just breathe
for a bit. Next I asked her to think about her fears for a moment. 
Then I asked for permission for us to talk with her fears. Andrea
nodded. “I get the feeling that they whoever they are in there are
saying “yes.” So I continued and asked Andrea’s fear to show us in a
picture or words in her mind of what they were really so deeply afraid
of.

Fear Talks

Andrea was silent and then after a few moments she said, “Well this is
weird. I ask the fear that question and the first words I get from them
are that I’m “going to sweat a river and float off the stage!” Now
that’s so totally weird! My fears are talking to me. Am I nuts?” I
said,  ” No you’re not! Try to keep your eyes closed. Actually that’s a
great picture for us to start. Go on and let’s see what else they have
to say!”

Andrea was silent another long moment and then got a rather puzzled
smile on her face “Well, the second image or word picture that I am
seeing is that a sudden wind is going to come up and blow my hair in my
face so I can’t see my script and then that same wind blow me off the
stage too! This speech is indoors so how would that even be possible?”
At this point, Andrea started laughing again at this second outrageous
image and I commented, “Wow! Aren’t your fears creative!” I urged her
to keep her eyes closed and continue, Go on! Let’s see what else your
fears show us!”

Andrea continued “Well now they’re getting a little ridiculous. Now
they are saying that I my tongue is going to dry up, I will choke and
not be able swallow even water and then I won’t even be able to speak
and then I’ll DIE up there. God they’re a tad bit melodramatic here
doncha think?”

Now she couldn’t help it, she opened her eyes and we were both
laughing. I remarked, “Clever ones aren’t they, those fears! My
experience is that they believe if they create a big enough disaster
picture in your head, that you will be sure to avoid giving your speech
all together!!”

“They are certainly sounding a bit ridiculous
to me…” 

“Well!” Andrea observed, “They are certainly sounding a bit ridiculous
to me at this moment right now!” We continued to laugh together,
marveling at these three creative disaster fantasies that her fears had
just given us. Then suddenly her smile faded and Andrea grew quite
serious.

There was a long silence and then Andrea said, “It’s been really awful
for me to be shut down and silenced for so long. I’m amazed that I’m
even laughing at all here. I feel so stupid and helpless when I can’t
talk in public. I have avoided it for as long as I can and now it looks
like, with having to do this speech in a month, I’m finally being
forced to deal with it. Nobody else is this bad are they? Really are
they?”

“You would be surprised at how scared most people feel…” 

Andrea stopped and looked me directly in the eye.  I replied kindly,
“You would be surprised at how scared most people feel when they even
think of giving a speech. You are not the only one by a long shot
struggling with this fear issue. ” Then Andrea sat up looking a little
more hopeful. “Do you really really think you can help me? I mean I’m a
really really sad and extreme case here!”

If there are others who have overcome their fear and loathing of public
speaking, then so can you.

I looked at Andrea with great compassion, “Yes I know I can help you.
If there are others who have overcome their fear and loathing of public
speaking, then so can you. I promise you.” At that, Andrea heaved a
huge sigh. “God I hope so. It really would be so nice to get over this
fear thing. It’s been with me for so darn long.”

Thus began an amazing story of a woman as she faced her debilitating
fear of speaking in public and went on to succeed and become the family
spokesperson for her family’s foundation.

TO BE CONTINUED….

COMING TOMORROW: PART 2: What Actually Is Fear Anyway?